Growing up is hard to do SterolineDelena
by graceviolets
Summary: Being in love with your best friend's boyfriend is never easy. And it's even harder when it's going to last forever.
1. Chapter 1

Caroline Forbes used to be childish. She used to dress up and curl her hair in front of the mirror and pretend that she was going to some ball with a prince. She used to crave attention and seek every chance to shine. Caroline was a child much longer than most teenagers. Then everything changed. A bite and pain and now she would never grow old.

Caroline Forbes used to need people's approval. She used to flirt and bat her eyes at every boy she met. Mostly Matt. She had always wanted his approval most of all. But he had been Elena's boyfriend. Wasn't it ironic? Caroline Forbes had loved Matt for a long time. Maybe she always would. But she didn't feel need to flirt with him anymore. She didn't feel the need for his attention or that he would laugh at her jokes. Matt was nice and that was it.

Caroline Forbes had grown up always envying Elena Gilbert. Elena was well-spoken and nice and boys liked her without her needing to bat a single lash. While Caroline struggled in school, Elena had straight A's. When Caroline's mom only bought her simple clothes, Elena wore expensive clothes with such grace it literally hurt. Caroline Forbes had always envied Elena Gilbert and now it was worse than ever.

Caroline Forbes hadn't meant to fall in love with Stefan Salvatore. Actually, she had done everything in her power to resist that feeling. She had gotten together with Matt, felt his heart next to hers, but never felt anything inside. When Stefan held her hands and dried her tears, her body felt like it was on fire. It wasn't her fault, it really wasn't, but she was falling in love with her best friend's boyfriend. Again.

Caroline Forbes envied Elena Gilbert more than ever because this time, she knew that Elena relationship would last. Caroline saw how much Elena loved Stefan. She saw how much Stefan loved Elena. That was why it was worse this time. The pain would never end.

Caroline Forbes didn't dress up and pretend she was going to a ball anymore. Instead she watched Stefan and Elena and pretended she was them. She didn't seek attention, she hid so that she could watch Stefan without being caught. She didn't flirt with anyone, flirting with Stefan would be pointless, she realized that.

Caroline Forbes had grown up and her life had changed. And it hurt, so bad.


	2. Chapter 2

Night has come and Caroline Forbes hides in the dark. She sees them clearly in the moonlight. He, so tall and handsome and she, so small and beautiful. They're holding hands on a moonlight stroll. Caroline wants to look away, but she can't. Her eyes are fixed on them.

"You'll learn to shut the hurt off" a voice behind her says.

"Then why don't you?" she asks without turning.

Damon sighs behind her. She doesn't want to face him, doesn't want to see her longing mirrored in his eyes. She's too sad.

"Maybe we should make out, Caroline" he says. "Just to make them jealous."

His tone is amused, but she knows that he is crying inside.

"They won't care" she whispers.

"No" he says. "I guess they won't."

Caroline Forbes leans back against Damon and he holds her. If she closes her eyes and her mind, she can almost pretend that it's Stefan holding her. That it's his hands caressing her hands, his breath in her hair.

"It would be so easy to get her out of the way" she whispers.

Damon tenses. If Caroline wasn't so numb with pain she might have laughed. He loved her so much it was absurd.

"You won't" he says, his voice hard.

"Damon, come on. She's my best friend."

He relaxes.

"Of course" he says quietly. "Of course you wouldn't."

The couple in the moonlight has started to walk back. Caroline crouches down behind a bush, feeling like stalker. Maybe she is. It doesn't matter.

"Do you think that we only have one soul mate?" she whispers.

Damon doesn't answer. It's so quiet that she almost thinks that he left. She turns around. He's standing against a tree, his eyes closed.

"Don't ask questions like that, Caroline" he breathes.

"Why not?" she whispers.

"Because the answer will only make you sad."

"I'm already sad, Damon."

She hears the click of the door and knows that Stefan and Elena has entered the house again.

"Have you ever been in love before?" Damon asks.

His voice is serious, not a drop of sarcasm in his voice. It scares her.

"Yes" she whispers. "Twice."

"Has it ever felt like this?"

"No" she whispers. "Not even close."

He nods.

"Well then, there's your answer."

He looks so depressed that she wants to hold him, but she can't. He isn't the sort of person that you hug.

"How can he be my soul mate, but I'm not his?"

"I don't know, Caroline" Damon says. "I just don't know."


	3. Chapter 3

…

"Hey Care" he says, sitting down beside her.

His tone is light. He is the only one who ever calls her "Care". She likes it. It makes her seem like a nice person, even though Caroline Forbes isn't very nice.

"Hey" she whispers back, trying to hide her tears.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She could never hide anything from him.

"Nothing."

"Caroline…"

He's just trying to be nice, but today she can't bare it. She wants him to be evil so that she can hate him. Now she hasn't got a single reason not to love him.

"I never wanted this" she whispered. "I never wanted to be a vampire."

"I know, Care" he whispers.

His eyes are sympathetic. He thinks that he knows how it feels.

"I wanted to grow old and get wrinkles and play bridge on a porch with the one I love."

"Honey, Matt will come around" he says.

She sighs.

"This isn't about Matt."

"Okay" he breathes.

He doesn't know what to say. How could he? She's not exactly giving him a lot of work with.

"They will all die. My mom and Matt and Tyler and Bonnie. They'll all die. The four of us will the only ones left" she whispers.

"Three" Stefan corrects her. "You, me and Damon. The Dream Team."

"No, four" Caroline insists.

He looks so confused that she wants to hold him.

"Elena" she explains and his face immediately grows worried.

"Has she said anything?" he asks. "About wanting to turn?"

Caroline shakes her head.

"No, but she will become one of us. Not now or soon, but she will."

"No" Stefan says, his voice hard. "Never."

"If you don't turn her, Damon will. You know that he will."

She watches as Stefan realizes that she is right. This is why Caroline can't stand living for thousands of years with Damon, Stefan and Elena. Stefan loves Elena. Watching them for hours at a time is hard enough. The thought of years and years makes Caroline sick.

"Look, Care" he says, gathering himself. "I know the thought of losing Matt is hard…"

"This isn't about Matt" she cries, because it isn't.

She knows that Matt will die and that she probably won't be here. She will be somewhere else, hoping that no one there realizes that she doesn't get older.

"How can you stand it?" she asks. "How can you stand knowing that Damon loves her too?"

Stefan looks away. He's too good for Caroline. She knows it. He is kind and nice and fair. He accepts that Damon will always love Elena. He doesn't hold that against his brother. Caroline is jealous and mean, but Stefan is pure and good. Maybe that's why he doesn't love her.

"I need them both" he answers.

She nods. She gets it.

"I will never get anything of what I wanted" Caroline says. "No wrinkles and no porch and no love."

"Hey" he says, stroking her cheek. "Don't say that, Care. You don't know that. You'll find somebody who will love you and play bridge with you. I promise."

He's lying, but maybe he doesn't know.

"Do you believe that we only have one soul mate?" she asks him, just like she asked Damon.

"Matt…"

"Please stop talking about Matt" she exclaims, clutching her forehead.

"Okay" he says, his voice soothing.

"Do you?"

"I don't know, Care. I don't know. I hope so."

She nods. Tears form in her eyes again. Maybe the point of soul mates isn't that they exist, but that you want them to exist. Stefan wants Elena to be his soul mate.

"Why are you crying?" he whispers. "Tell me. I promised I wouldn't anything hurt you."

The irony in that statement makes her smile despite everything.


	4. Chapter 4

Caroline Forbes finds packing easy. All she needs is some bags of blood and a sweatshirt. She won't be out for long. It's the dead of night; it doesn't get much darker than this. That gives Caroline a few hours to get as far from here as possible before morning. She wants to say goodbye to Damon, despite everything she feels like she found a brother in him. But she can't, he would stop her. Of course she wants to say goodbye to everyone else too. She wants to hug Bonnie and her mother and Matt. She wants to speak one last time with Elena. She wants to look into Stefan's eyes once more. But that's not an option. She has to leave now.

Caroline Forbes stands in the doorway of the Salvatore House and feels like crying. But she doesn't. Instead she removes the heavy ring from her finger. She put it on the oak table and writes a note. _To Elena_. If Bonnie is dead when Elena wants to turn, she will need this ring. Caroline is proud of herself for thinking of it. Maybe she isn't a stupid as people think.

Caroline Forbes has always liked the forest. When she was younger she used to go exploring in it. Now she is getting ready to die in it. Well no, not right here. If she's here, Damon or Stefan might find her. She made the mistake of asking Damon for help.

"_Damon" she had asked. "Will you do me a favor?"_

_He had shrugged and nodded. She had smiled._

"_Will you kill me?"_

It hadn't gone down that well. Not that Caroline had counted on Damon helping her, but it had been an option. He had hated her before; she had hoped he had some frustrations that needed an outlet. But he had refused. She was proud of him. Loving Elena made him a better person.

Caroline Forbes travels fast in the darkness. She isn't afraid. She feels alive for the first time in a long, long time. She feels the wind in her hair and hears every ruffle of leaves. She isn't sad about dying. She knows it will hurt. She will greet the pain as a friend. It will save her from the emotional pain that courses through her body. She doesn't want to be a thousand year old bitter maid. This is better.

Caroline Forbes stops when dawn comes. She's far from Mystic Falls. They will never find her. She sits down in the shade of a tree. In an hour the sun will reach her and she'll die. Caroline opens a bag of blood and takes her last meal. It's delicious. She smiles. The air is warm, the sun is already bright. It's a beautiful day to die.


	5. Chapter 5

Damon greets him the kitchen. He wears a look of fear. A look that Damon only wears when it comes to Elena. What has happened? Is she hurt? Stefan feels this pulse quicken.

"It's Caroline" Damon says.

This doesn't calm Stefan at all. If Damon can look this scared because of Caroline, she must be in trouble.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"I can't find her."

Stefan glances at his watch. It's five in the morning.

"Maybe she went out."

"At the crack of dawn?"

"Maybe not."

Stefan breathes slowly. No need to get agitated. They don't know that anything is wrong.

"I'm worried" Damon says and Stefan can tell that he really is.

"Why?"

Damon licks his lips, looking almost ashamed.

"She asked me to do something, but I refused. Now I'm afraid she might do it herself."

"Do what?"

Damon hesitated.

"Do what, Damon?" Stefan asks, his voice hard now.

"She asked me to kill her."

It's like punch in the gut, it completely winds Stefan. He struggles to breathe.

"Why?" he asks.

"I can't tell you."

"Damon, this is serious!"

"I know. Let's find her."

"Damon, you need to tell me why she wanted you to kill her."

Stefan grabbed his brother's arm, but Damon pulled himself free.

"We'll find her and you can ask her yourself."

Stefan nods. They have no time to waste.

"Look" Damon says behind him.

He turns. Damon is holding Caroline's ring and suddenly it's hard to think straight.

...

She could be anywhere and dawn is breaking. Damon went to Bonnie's house to see if she had some kind of spell. Stefan sets off into the forest. In his hand is Caroline's ring, it's cold against his fingers. Why has she taken it off? Trees are everywhere and she is nowhere. When did she leave? How far has she come? _She can be anywhere_. The though makes Stefan grow weaker. She can be dying right now. And he couldn't save her. He promised her, but he couldn't save her from herself. Right then his phone rings. It's Damon.

"She's in a clearing" he says, his tone desperate. "Bonnie feels that you have to go east."

"Anything else?" Stefan asks, adjusting his track.

"Hurry up."


	6. Chapter 6

Caroline Forbes thinks she must be dead. She must. She aches all over, her skin is scorched and she can't open her eyes. She's in hell, she thinks. This is what hell feels like. She's bummed that she went to hell, even though it isn't that unexpected. She is vampire and God never liked those. And even when she was a human she wasn't an angel. So hell it had to be.

Suddenly she hears voices. A first it's only a murmur but after a while her ears adjust and she can understand words.

"Is she dead?" someone is asking.

Caroline doesn't know if she is one being asked, but she can't answer.

"I don't know" someone else replies.

"She was dead before" a third voice is saying.

She smiles. Yes. She didn't really die, she was already dead. She wonders if she left a body behind or just dust. It would be nice her mother to have a grave to go to.

"She needs blood" the first voice is saying.

Yes, blood would be nice. She is very thirsty and hell is very hot.

"How are we going to get it down her throat?" the third voice asks.

He must be the Devil, he sounds tired and cranky.

"We have to try" a new voice says.

It's weak and croaky, but it makes Caroline warm inside. It's Stefan. Is he in hell with her? No, Stefan would never go to hell. That must mean that she isn't dead. Or at least not deader than she was before.

"Maybe we can use a tube" the first voice is saying.

Now Caroline realizes that it's Elena's. Oh, Elena. Beautiful, wonderful Elena.

"She's not a sick seal" the third voice is biting back.

That's not the devil, it's Damon.

"Caroline, please wake up" Bonnie whispers.

Bonnie's here too? That's nice of her.

"Bonnie, you need to find a spell. You have to find something that will bring her back" Stefan says.

"I won't find anything. Witches aren't supposed to help vampires."

"You have to try."

He really shouldn't be so hard on Bonnie. Caroline doesn't mind waiting. Other that she hurts and that's she's thirsty, she's fine.

"I'll go with you" Elena says.

The door slams behind them.

"She's dying, isn't she?" Stefan asks.

Damon breathes heavily.

"I don't know."

He too leaves the room. Stefan is the only one left. She's alone with him. Maybe for the last time, but it doesn't matter.

...

"Care" he whispers very close to her ear. "Care, you have to come back."

No, she hasn't. She has realized in the couple of hours that she has lied here that she is getting weaker. Everything hurts more. Her fangs are shrinking back into her gums. Her ears are getting clouded again.

"Please" he whispers.

Oh, Stefan, don't be sad. She's doing this partly for him.

"Please Care" he whispers.

He gently kisses her hands. That simply touch makes her hear clearer. It eases the pain. Maybe he is realizing it too, because he continues to kiss her hand, her cheek, her forehead. And slowly, she is feeling more thirsty but less weak. Suddenly she can tell she's lying on a bed with soft sheets and that she has the sun in her face. Suddenly she realizes that she can hear a clock tick and smell the smell of blood.

"Care?" he asks.

"Yeah" she replies.

Her mouth is dry, her eyes are glued together. He quickly drops blood into her mouth. It tastes so good.

"Caroline, can you hear me?" he asks.

She tries to nod, but it hurt too much. Instead she opens her left eye. Stefan is on the bed, right next to her. He's holding a bag of blood in one hand.

"More blood" she croaks.

He obeys. She feels herself getting stronger, drop by drop.

"You're going to be okay" he whispers.

She opens her right eye and can finally see him clearly. He looks dazzling in a white shirt and jeans. His hair is tousled and his cheeks pale. She can tell he has been crying.

"You are going to be okay" he repeats.

"I'm going to live" she corrects him.

He nods and kisses her cheek again.

…...

By the time Damon, Elena and Bonnie is back, Caroline can sit up. Her skin is burned, but it heals quickly. They all look at her as if they are expecting some kind of explanation, but she stays quiet. Bonnie is holding one hand and Stefan is still holding the other one. That itself makes it hard to speak.

"Caroline" Elena begins carefully. "Never do that again."

Caroline only smiles. She can't promise anything, but she knows that she won't do anything soon. They will all be watching her like a hawk.

"Why did you do that?" Bonnie asks, sounding choked up.

"Oh, you know, I've always been melodramatic."

Making fun of yourself usually makes people smile, but this time it doesn't work. They all stare imploringly at her. She looks away.

"I'm tired" she lies.

"I'll get more blood for later" Stefan says.

He squeezes her hand before leaving. Bonnie mutters something about homework and Elena follows Stefan. Of course she does. They're a couple. Couples always fetch blood together.

"That leaves you and me" Damon says.

Caroline is not scared of Damon. He won't rat her out.

"Yeah" she says.

"He's not worth dying for, Caroline" he says.

She sighs and combs her hair with her fingers. She failed today, but it doesn't matter. She has time.

"You can't try that again" he says.

"Fine" she lies.

"If you love him you won't try that again. It will kill him if you die."

"No, it won't. He'll be sad, but it won't kill him. He'll get over it, you all will."

Damon suddenly stands up. He looks furious.

"Sometimes you are just stupid, Caroline. If you die, he'll fall apart. He'll hate himself for letting you get hurt."

Caroline shrugs. She is tired now.

"If you love him, you fight for him" Damon says.

"What if you know that you will lose the fight?" she asks.

"Then you fight anyway."


	7. Chapter 7

"Honey, you have to tell me what happened" Elena whispers.

Caroline smiles on the inside. Elena is the last person she would tell. Except maybe Stefan, he is the one person that will never, ever know.

"Nothing" Caroline lies.

She hasn't worked up at cover story yet and while on bed rest, it's hard to evade the questions. And how in the world is she supposed to come up with a good story why she tried to kill herself?

"Caroline, I'm not asking. Tell me. Now."

Caroline wants to be alone, she is never alone anymore. They are afraid to leave her, afraid that she'll disappear again. It's cute, but equally annoying.

"Caroline, I'm your best friend. Tell me."

"Hey, calm down" Stefan says entering the room. "She'll tell us when she's ready."

"No, Stefan. That's not good enough. She tried to kill herself!"

"I am aware of that, but you pushing her isn't helping."

Caroline closes her eyes. She is ashamed. She's ashamed that she's making them fight. But she's even more ashamed of being happy of it. She is such a bad friend.

"I'm trying to help her, Stefan. She had a reason for doing what she did. That reason didn't go away just because you saved her."

That is true. Elena is so insightful.

"It's been 24 hours. She'll tell us when she's ready. Right, Care?"

She can't say no to him, she never could.

"Yes" she whispers.

...

"Are you strong enough to walk?" he asks.

She nods and gets up. Her skin feels fragile and her head light, but she can walk.

"Let's go out" he says, smiling.

"Okay."

All thought of wanting to be alone is gone. Her heart can't say no to him anymore than her head can.

"Hey, Care. Don't forget your ring."

He places her ring in her hand. It feels heavy. It's the difference between life and death. How strange.

The sun doesn't hurt now. It warms her cheeks and makes her squint. Stefan walks next to her, carelessly. He doesn't ask her to tell him anything. It feels like a relief. The school lies in front of them. It's a Monday, kids are everywhere. Bonnie and Elena are inside. Damon compelled the secretary to believe that Caroline has measles. She can see Matt; he's playing ball with Tyler and some other guys. Some girls are watching, giggling. Caroline wishes that her life was that easy. That all she had to worry about was school and flirting. Not loving her best friend's boyfriend and never growing old and wanting to kill people.

"Do you remember when we first met?" he asks.

Caroline blushes. She has loved him from first sight and old Caroline wasn't very discreet. She flirted with him, until he told her that nothing was ever going to happen between them.

"Vaguely" she replies, not looking at him.

"Well, I'll refresh your memory. No one dared to talk to me at school and I was fine about that, I was there to blend in. But then, just before math, this blonde girl comes up to me, smiles and asks me what my favorite color is" Stefan says, smiling.

Caroline sighs.

"Oh god" she moans.

"I replied blue without thinking and she smiled and left. No one dared to even approach me but you, Care."

"I was never very good at social manners."

"Hey, don't do that. Don't criticize yourself all the time. I liked it when you were all over the place and bubbly. I miss that about you."

"I guess I grew up."

"No, it's not that. You grew sad, Caroline. Why did you grow sad?"

He has stopped now, so has she. She can still hear the laughter from the school.

"I guess turning into a vampire is a part of it" she says, which isn't really a lie.

He puts his arm around her shoulder, pressing her closer. It feels so easy that she wants to cry. What if life was this way?

"I'm sorry, Care. I never wanted this for you."

"I know."

"But it is how it is" he says.

"Yeah. Some things will never change" she agrees.

"We just have to make the best of it" Stefan says.

She nods. It's easy for him to say. He has Elena and Damon. He has his little family of vampires. He is gorgeous and kind and everyone loves him. Caroline has no one.

"Yeah" she lies.

"Don't lie" he says, not accusingly but soft and carefully.

"I just wish it would end" she says.

"You're not talking about being a vampire anymore are you?"

"No."

He sighs so heavily that she can feel it as she's walking next to him.

"I'm always here, Care" he promises. "Always."

He leans in and kisses her forehead. She wants to cry.


	8. Chapter 8

"We should leave" she says.

Damon looks up from the book he's reading. He raises his eyebrows as if she is joking. She isn't.

"Sure" he replies.

"I'm serious, Damon. We could leave, you and me. There's no need to torture ourselves like this."

He puts the book down, realizing that she's serious.

"Caroline, we can't just run away."

"Why should we run? We can tell them we're leaving. Maybe that we want to get out of Mystic Falls. I can blame my non-existent crush on Matt."

He snorts and picks the book up again. She's losing his attention.

"It's not fare against anyone, Damon. You and me, loving them and watching them loving someone else. And it's fair to them. It's not fair to Stefan who has to see you pine for his girlfriend" she says quickly.

He tilts his head back against the headrest. She can tell that he is considering it.

"What happened to fighting for him?" he asks, smiling.

"I'm tired" she whispers. "I'm tired."

He nods. Silence falls between them. He picks up this book yet again. Caroline sees that it's the Bible. It moves her. He doesn't deserve this.

"I'm not forcing you, Damon, but I'm leaving. Soon."

"You can't. They won't let you."

"I have my own will."

He snorts.

"As if you could ever say no to Stefan."

"I'll learn."

He just shakes his head, but his mocking smile is gone.

"I can't leave her, Caroline. I just can't."

"Okay" she whispers. "Okay."

It would have been nice to have traveling partner, but it's alright. She can handle it alone. She has grown up now.

...

"Damon told me" Stefan says.

She's combing her hair in the room she occupies in the Salvatore House. Her mother kicked her out months ago, when she realized that Caroline was a vampire.

"About what?" she asks, her heart beating hard.

Damon would never tell on her. He wouldn't.

"About you wanting to leave."

Thank god .

"Yeah."

"And that you asked Damon to come with you?"

Caroline nods again. Her hair is wet. She isn't wearing any make-up. But it doesn't matter; he doesn't really look at her anyway.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you ask me?"

The question surprises Caroline so much that she stops combing.

"I didn't think you'd want to come" she answers truthfully.

He smiles at her. She smiles back, fighting with her tangled hair again.

"Why not?"

"Well, you have Elena" she replies.

"So does Damon."

She has to look up to see his smile. He's joking. It's the first time she ever caught him looking at the situation with humor.

"That's why he should leave" Caroline says.

Stefan doesn't say anything. Instead he takes the comb from her fingers and helps her to untangle the wet, blonde mess that is her hair. His fingers are so gently and every touch sends a shiver down her spine.

"I wish that you wouldn't leave, Care" he says, his voice soft and calm.

In this moment, she doesn't want to leave. In this moment she would agree to stay, just for moments like this.

"But if you do" he continues. "I'll come with you."

"No" she replies, even though she wants to say yes.

Going away with him would be contra productive. She would only grow to love him even more (if that is possible). She's doing this to forget.

"Why?" he asks, smiling. "Why is Damon a better traveling partner than I?"

"I won't leave for a week, Stefan. I'll go and I might never come back. I might be gone for months or years."

"I realize that."

"And you still want to come?"

"I swore that I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

She sighs. This isn't about him wanting to be with her. This is about him and his stupid promise.

"I can take care of myself" she bites back.

He only smiles.

"I know, Care."

She doesn't understand, but that might be because he is touching her. She tends to get stupid when he's around.

"You can't leave her" Caroline says.

It hurts, but it's true.

"_I can't let you go_" he replies.

She can't see his face, his working on her curls in the back.

"Well, I guess you have to choose between your beautiful girlfriend, the love of your life. Or me" she says, jokingly.

It takes him a few seconds to reply

"I know."

She doesn't need to see his face to know that he isn't joking.

….

Caroline doesn't dare to talk to Stefan about leaving again. Instead she mentally says goodbye to everything. She stops by her mother's house. She goes to movies with Matt. She takes a walk with Tyler. Damon watches her suspiciously. How much does he know? Maybe everything. She doesn't really care anymore. She'll leave. She'll move to LA or New York. She'll live in small apartment with a leaky roof and pretend that she's normal. That is what she will do.

One night she's alone with Elena in the big house. The guys are out. It's the first that they're alone in a long time. Caroline hates herself when she's with her best friend. Partly because Elena is so pretty and wonderful that it drives Caroline crazy with jealousy. But mostly because Caroline is in love with her boyfriend. And that's something a best friend shouldn't be.

"Damon told me that you're leaving" Elena said.

Damon? Not Stefan?

"I might."

"It will be weird without you here."

"You'll get used to it."

Caroline smiles and takes a sip of blood. Elena is making dinner. She'll make a good wife.

"I'd rather you leave than kill yourself."

"Why are you so calm about this?" Caroline asks.

"Damon told me to be. He said that you needed me to support you."

Maybe that was true.

"I might not come back."

"He said that."

_And I think that your boyfriend wants to come._

"When are you leaving?"

"As soon as possible."

"Right."

She cuts some onion for her stew. Caroline watches.

"Are you in love with Damon?" she asks bluntly.

Elena freezes. She slowly turns to face Caroline.

"What's this about?"

"If you are, you have to choose. You can't have them both, it's killing them."

She's overstepping and she knows it. But this might be her last chance ever to overstep.

"You have no idea what you're talking about. I love Stefan."

"Okay."

"What is this about, Caroline?"

"I'm trying to say things I want to say before I leave."

Elena nods. Apparently that was a good explanation.


	9. Chapter 9

They eventually gang up on her, even though they are supposed to support her. Bonnie and Elena and Damon and Stefan. They trap her in her room and try to make her stay.

"What's your plan, Caroline?" Bonnie asks, her voice exasperated.

"I don't have one" she admits.

"You won't stop being a vampire just because you leave Mystic Falls" Bonnie presses on.

This isn't about a vampire, but maybe it's better if Bonnie thinks it is.

"I just need some space" Caroline says.

It's not untrue.

"We won't be here forever" Bonnie continues. "You might, but Elena and I, we'll die."

The silence that falls is so thick that you can almost taste it. It's always a touchy subject to mention that Elena is dying to both the Salvatore brothers. That's why everyone ignores it.

"Well, it's not a secret" Elena says.

Caroline catches Stefan's eye. He'll never leave Elena. No. Not when Bonnie puts it that way. He might come with Caroline when she's 150 and Elena is dead. But now, no, Caroline isn't his priority.

"I love you" Caroline says. "All of you. But you don't get to decide."

"We just want the best for you" Bonnie says.

"I'm not a kid anymore, Bonnie. I might have been a kid for a very long time and then it was okay for you to baby me. But I grew up, Bonnie."

They all fall silent again. Caroline catches Stefan's eye again, she can't stop herself looking at him. He's smiling, he looks proud. It makes her warm inside.

"Fine" Bonnie snaps.

"Fine" Caroline says slowly.

It's decided then. She's leaving.

...

She's headed for the bus station. She'll take a Greyhound to New York. That's how far her plan reaches. It scares her as she's waiting for the bus. It's raining. Elena cried when she left. Bonnie looked mad. Damon actually hugged her. Stefan had given her nod. That was it. She had to stop caring so much.

"Hey" he says.

She turns. There he is, in the pouring rain, not even wearing a rain coat.

"Hey" she replies like it's totally normal that he went after her.

"I'm sorry, Care" he says. "I wish I could go with you."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I hate to see you go."

"But you choose her."

"Yes."

His stare is honest, hers is scared. He's admitting to that there's been a choice.

"Call" he says. "Please, Care, call. I need to hear from you from time to time."

"No" she replies.

Wow. She actually said no to him.

"Why not?"

"I can't. It would ruin the whole thing."

Maybe he understands, maybe he doesn't. But he doesn't argue.

"I'll wait for you, Care. I'll wait for you to come home" he says.

"I won't."

"I'll wait anyway."

The rain is stopping now. He's wet; his shit is hugging his abs. She wants to hold him again.

"I won't come to wedding" she says.

"What wedding?"

"Yours."

He shakes his head, smiling fondly at her.

"Who knows if there'll be a wedding" he says lightly.

The bus arrives. It fills the air with fumes.

"I'll miss you" he says.

"I'll miss you too" she whispers back.

He embraces her and kisses her hair. She draws back, stands on tiptoe and kisses his mouth. Very lightly.

"Bye" she whispers.

"Bye" he whispers.

And then she leaves.

…

New York isn't like in the movies. New York is crowded and grey and huge. Caroline feels small as she wanders down the streets. She doesn't have map. She had no idea where she is. She could get a hotel room. She has money, both her own, her college fun, and the money that Stefan made her take. She's almost wealthy. But if she gets a room, she'll sit on her bed and think. Think and miss. And that's not really what she wants. Instead she enters a small bar. She's not twenty-one, but no one seems to care. It's not very crowded, only a few guys playing pool in the corner. She orders a beer, just for show, and sits down. Her feet ache. Her head hurts. She wants to cry.

"Hi darling" one of the guys say.

He walks up to her, smiling kindly. Maybe he can tell that she's lost.

"Hi" she replies, feeling shy.

"I'm Ken" he says, extending his hand.

Ken. Like Barbie's boyfriend. Caroline smiles. She remembers when Damon called her Vampire Barbie.

"Caroline" she says, shaking his hand.

He reminds her of Matt. He's blonde and has a kind smile. And he's human. It's not until now that Caroline realizes that you can tell the difference. This boy, Ken, doesn't have the strong appearance of a vampire. Nor does he have the heavy feel that werewolves do. He's just a boy.

"You new in town, baby?"

She nods. Maybe she should be afraid. She's alone in a bar with five guys. But she isn't. She's a vampire. She could kill them without blinking.

"How 'bout I buy you a drink?" Ken asks.

Drink. Blood. Caroline realizes that she's thirsty. She has blood in her purse. She can excuse herself to the bathroom and drink some.

"I'm good" she replies.

She's a terrible flirt at the moment, and he notices, but he doesn't leave.

"Fair enough. What brings you to the city, Caroline?" he asks.

His eyes are blue. He doesn't look like a rapist.

"I had to get away" she replies.

"From what?"

"The guy I loved."

Ken smiles. Apparently this is funny.

"Do you have place to stay?" he asks.

She shakes her head.

"There's a hostel a few blocks away. They're cheap and it's clean. I can show you, if you want."

She nods.

"Yes, please."

...

The room is clean. It's also small and windowless. It doesn't matter. As soon as she's alone she digs out the bag of blood and empties it. She has to get more, soon. Stefan told her of a contact who worked at the blood bank, a vampire. She'll call him, in the morning. She's tired. She has to sleep. The bed is hard, but it doesn't matter either. She closes her eyes and lets a tear roll down her cheek. Maybe this is like a fever, it has to get worse before it gets better. Maybe she'll stop missing them soon. Maybe. She hopes.

…

"He gave her blood" Stefan says.

Damon looks up from his efforts to mend a broken chair.

"Who?"

"Brad, in New York. Caroline went to him and got some blood from the blood bank."

Damon nods. That's good. She's alive. She's been gone four days but he hasn't gotten used to it yet. The house is so quiet, despite three people living in it and two more visiting often. Elena was never loud, Bonnie is still pissed and Stefan is just quiet. Dead quiet. Those words about Caroline getting blood is the most he had said in days.

"We can just buy another chair" Stefan says, looking pointedly heap of wood at Damon's feet.

"I need a distraction."

"From what?"

Damon isn't playing nice, he won't. He's mad a Stefan. He's mad at him because he's a stupid, because he lost them Caroline.

"We couldn't have made her stay" Stefan whispers.

"I couldn't, you could have."

"Is this about Elena?"

Damon snorts. He kicks at the rumble of wood.

"Why should this be about Elena?"

"Because I chose her."

"No, Stefan. This isn't about Elena."

He nods. Damon abandons the chair and leaves the room. Stefan follows him.

"What do you want me to do? Go to New York, find her and tell her to move back? I can't do that, it's not fair to her."

Damon snorts. Stefan doesn't understand the word _fair._

"She doesn't want to be here, Damon."

"Yes, she does. But she couldn't stay, because she loves you."

He swore that he would never tell Stefan that, but it slipped out. And it's not like Stefan hasn't worked it out already.

"It wouldn't be right" Stefan whispers.

Damon shakes his head and leaves.


	10. Chapter 10

Caroline realizes, sitting on the floor of her room, that she has acted childish again. She moved away without a plan. She dropped out of High School for this, for living in a small hostel and sipping blood from some New Yorker's veins. Days slip into weeks. She spends her days on the thin carpet, thinking and counting stains. She spends her nights in Central Park. There she wanders around. Almost every night she meets someone that tells her that young girls shouldn't wander alone, but she isn't afraid. Those fangs have to be good for something. No one attacks her anyway. She's left alone. She doesn't know if it's a blessing or a curse.

When she's alone, she thinks. She thinks of everything. From being someone who never acted, she has transformed into a thinker. She can spend hours thinking of a rose. How it grows and then dies. How Caroline will never die. How she will live alone in this big city. Alone. Without Stefan. That's another bad thing about thinking. She can start thinking about anything, but always ends up on him. She remembers all the times he held her and keeps replaying them in her head. Over and over. Until she can't stop crying on a park bench somewhere near Strawberry Fields.

...

"They tell me a crazy girl sits here every night" a voice says.

For a fleeting second she thinks it's Stefan. But it isn't, the voice doesn't even resemble his. It's Ken. The boy who helped her on her first day. How long ago was that? Two weeks? A month?

"How did you find me?" she asks.

"My aunt owns the hostel. She told me that this young, blonde thing keeps wandering into Central Park at night."

Caroline tries to hide her tears. It isn't easy when your eyes are always bloodshot.

"Still not over the guy you left home for?" he asks.

"No."

He sighs and pats her head.

"How old are you, dear?"

He sounds like an old lady.

"18" she replies.

"Isn't your mother worried?"

"No" Caroline whispers. "She kicked me out."

"And your dad?"

"Haven't seen him since I was ten."

"No brothers or sisters?"

"No."

"You're all alone then" he says.

Yes. She's all alone.

"I used to have a family" she whispers. "My friends."

She hasn't spoken in such a long that the words fight to leave her tongue.

"Damon, he was like a big brother. He teased me and annoyed me, but took care of me. And Elena, she was like my mother, or maybe an aunt. She could never sleep soundly if I was sick. And Bonnie, she was like my sister. And Stefan…"

She stops there, she can't further.

"And you left them all 'cause of this boy?" Ken asks.

"I had too."

He nods and smiles. He probably thinks that she's a stupid little girl with a schoolgirl crush.

"Do you like tea, Caroline?"

So he does remember her name, she thought he might have forgotten it.

"No" she replies.

"How about some whisky, then?" he smiles.

She nods.

"Yeah."

"Come on then."

He takes her hand and drags her to her feet.

...

Ken's shower is hot. Hers, at the hostel, never reaches over 70 degrees. She turns the heat up to max and stands in the water, with closed eyes. She's so cold. She hadn't realized. She's so cold, despite that vampires never freeze. Her skin is full of goose bumps and she's shivering. And the warm water doesn't warm her up. It just pours on her hair, making it wetter and hiding the fact that she's crying. She stands on the stone floor until the water turns cold. Then she wraps herself in a towel and forces a smile upon her face.

…

"Have you heard anything?" Elena asks.

He nods. He just got off the phone with Brad, the blood guy. Caroline was there two days ago. And she brought a guy with her.

"Yeah" he says. "She's okay."

Elena exhales and closes her eyes. She's sleeping in his bed and he wishes that he could lie down next to her and sleep too. But he can't. He's too empty to sleep.

"She brought a guy with her" he says.

"A vampire?"

"Brad didn't think so."

"Maybe she has fallen in love."

"She's only been gone two months."

"Doesn't have to take long" Elena whispers.

She leans in and kisses him. Her hand caresses his face. He wants to feel something, but he doesn't. She tries harder, stroking his cheek. He returns the kiss, but still feels empty.

"What's wrong?" she whispers.

Her eyes are careful, suspicious. Maybe she can tell. Maybe she knows. But knows what? Stefan doesn't know what he feels.

"I need some fresh air" he murmurs.

She nods. He just about to leave when the pain starts. It hits him with such power that he crashes to the floor. He can't see. He can't hear. He feels Elena's hand on him, but it's not helping. He's burning. He can sense Damon's screaming somewhere in the house, he's in pain too. Before he blacks out, the last thing that Stefan thinks is _Thank god Caroline is safe._

…

"Vampires" Ken says. "Who knew?"

She smiles.

"You're handling it well."

"Well frankly, the crying in parks was a whole lot more disturbing than this."

He puts his arm around her. He's falling in love with her, she can tell. It's the first time she wishes that a guy would see her as his sister.

"I guess I can't tempt you with a burger?"

She shakes her head.

"But you could get one, I'll drink coke and act normal."

He laughs, even though it was a lame joke.

"Great" he says. "Let' go out."

He gets her coat. She's been staying at his place for three weeks. It's temporary, but every time she mentions leaving he gets sullen. And it's free. Why should she complain?

"Hey" he says as they reach the small diner that he's in love with.

"Yeah?"

"If you bite me, will I die?"

"No, only if I lose control."

"Will I become a vampire?"

"No."

He puts his arm around her shoulders.

"You're not that dangerous, are you?"

"Like a lamb" she says.

And he laughs again, even though this joke is even lamer.

...

When they get back, Brad's outside the door. Caroline didn't even know that he knew where she lived, even less where Ken lived. She feels scared. Is he out of blood?

"Hi" she says, her voice trembling.

"Have you spoken to your friends?" he asks, not bothering to exchange hellos.

"No, I haven't since I left."

Fear spreads like wildfire in her blood. She feels her legs go numb, her mouth dry.

"I just spoke with Katherine."

"You know Katherine?" Caroline can't help to ask.

"Yeah, it's through her I know Stefan."

"Right" she whispers.

"I just spoke with Katherine. She told me that the witches have rebelled."

Caroline furrows her brow. The witches have rebelled, what did that mean?

"They think that your witch is a prisoner. They have come to free her."

Caroline's mind is slow. She doesn't understand. Bonnie is safe. Bonnie isn't a prisoner. Bonnie is probably the most powerful of all of them.

"Why?" she whispers.

Brad looks pitifully at you.

"Witches aren't supposed to help vampires" he says.

She knows that.

"What happened to her?" she whispers.

"I don't know, but there's no answer at the Salvatore house. I've tried calling all day."

No answer. That means that no one there's to answer. That they're all dead. Caroline sinks to her knees. The asphalt hurts her knees, but she doesn't even feel it. She wants to fall into a heap on the floor and cry. It's Ken's voice that brings her back.

"I don't understand" he says.

"I have to go home" she whispers.

"I'll go with you."

She shakes her head.

"No."

"We need to leave, now" Brad says.

She nods.

…

They run faster than the cars on the road. They bring nothing. Caroline's suitcase is still in Ken's wardrobe. Ben carries a few bags of blood in his backpack. They'll need it, they'll need to be strong. Brad is in his fifties. He's strong and lean and has passive face. He tells her what to do, she acts. Her brain is still numb. Dead. They might all be dead. Damon and Elena and Stefan. No, not Elena. They have no reason to kill her. But Damon and Stefan. The thought makes her head spin. How can she live on if they are dead?

"It's Caroline, right?" Brad asks.

They're running through the woods. Branches whip her face. It reminds her of when she tried to kill herself.

"Yeah."

"Are you ready for what we might face?"

"No" she admits.

"We might have to fight."

"Alright."

"Or there be nothing to fight for."

"Okay."

"Prepare yourself" he orders.

She tries, but she can't. So she just keeps on running, it's all that she can do. Feet on ground, fingers cold, eyes clouded with tears. She can tell Brad doubts her, think she'll be a bad fighting partner. But she won't. She'll be great. She'll be lethal


	11. Chapter 11

"We're here" she breathes.

Mystic Falls looks just like when she left, except that it's almost summer now. The wind is warmer and the sky brighter. They run past the school. Caroline remembers when she walked here with Stefan. Stefan, who might be dead.

"Where's the house?" Brad pants.

"Just over here."

They run faster. She can feel her blood pumping harder in her veins. Just on top of this hill. Just a bit further. And there it is. Big and old and _home_. She has to blink to fight of the tears. This is her home.

"The windows are shattered" Brad hisses.

She swallows and yes, she sees it too. Glass is scattered all over this ground. The house looks empty, deserted.

"Someone might be inside" she whispers.

"Let's find out."

She carefully steps through the open door. No furnisher is broken; just one chair in the corner, but someone has tried to mend it so it must have broken before the witches came. Nothing is out of order. Just the glass, all the glass has splintered. Caroline goes further.

"Caroline" Brad hisses.

She turns. He's still in the doorway.

"It's okay" she whispers. "I think it's empty."

"I can't get in. I'm not invited in."

"Oh, right."

She hesitates for a second, wondering what it means.

"Does that mean that Elena is alive?" she asks.

"Maybe" he replies.

He's annoyed, she can tell, but it's not her fault that he can't get in.

"I'll look around" she says.

"Hurry."

"I will."

...

She quickly goes through the rooms. Damon's, where the glass in shower is scattered all of the tiles. Stefan's, where frames to photographs are destroyed. And her own. Every room is empty. No blood, no disturbance, just empty. She has to stop and breathe. Something happened in this house. Caroline has been around Bonnie enough to know that witches can do almost anything. What did they do this time?

"Caroline!"

It's Brad, she hurries out. He looks impatient.

"Anything?"

"No" she answers. "It's empty."

"Back on square one then. Do you have any idea where the witches might have taken them?"

Caroline's mind is blank. She can't think.

"I don't know."

"Think!"

He shakes her; she's taken by surprise and falls to the ground. He sighs again. She probably looks pathetic to him.

"Maybe the tomb. They locked the vampires in the tomb before."

He nods.

"The tomb it is then, lead the way."

...

Caroline feels it as soon as they move nearer to the tomb. She freezes in the woods and pulls at Brad's arm. He stops too.

"What?" he hisses.

"Can't you feel it?" she whispers

"Feel what?"

She doesn't answer. It's stronger now. The power. She has felt it before. Whenever Bonnie does something magical, Caroline can feel the power, but now it's a hundred times stronger. It tingles in her fingers and gives her a head ache. Maybe Brad hasn't been around witches enough to recognize it.

"They're here" she whispers. "The witches."

He tries to look through the trees.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I feel it. Don't you?"

He shakes his head. He looks at her like she's mad, but for some reason he doesn't move forward.

"How many?" he asks.

"Many" she whispers.

"We need backup" he whispers.

She nods. They back into the forest again and Caroline feels the power grow more distant, but she doesn't stop until she feels completely normal. All that power messed with her head.

"Who will you call?" she asks.

"Katherine" he replies.

"What?"

"She was the one who told me. She will help."

"Katherine turned me!"

Brad sighs.

"We don't have a choice."

And he dials.

…

Katherine and her crew are there within a few hours. Caroline still can't over the fact that she and Elena looks exactly alike. It hurts her heart. Elena. She has to be alive. She has to. Katherine brought twelve other vampires. They're all young and handsome and Caroline imagines that Katherine turned them all.

"Well hello Blondie" she says. "Long time, no see."

Caroline ignores her. She will never forgive Katherine. Never.

"Do we have a plan?" a bulky blonde vamp asks.

"No" Brad answers. "But we know that they're in the tomb. Caroline _felt _them."

His tone is mocking and the others turn to face her. She shrugs.

"I recognize the feeling."

"It seems little miss Mystic Falls might be helpful" Katherine smiles.

Elena. Elena. Elena. That smile is Elena's.

"And the brothers, are they alive?" a boy asks.

Caroline closes her eyes.

"We don't know" Brad says.

Caroline opens her eyes and exhales. She can see Katherine purse her lips, her eyes desperate. She still loves them, that's why she's here.

"Henry and Kyle, go and inspect. Don't kill, it will draw attention to us" she orders.

The blonde boy and his friend get up and nod. They're gone in a flash.

"Let's eat" Katherine exhales. "I'm exhausted."

...

They take in shifts to watch the tomb. Henry and Kyle spots at least 10 witch guarding the place. They couldn't move closer than a hundred feet before hitting an invisible wall. Nothing could break it. Brad and Hispanic looking boy kept watch after that and caught a flash of Bonnie. They recognized her from the picture of her that Caroline kept in her wallet from their junior prom.

"We're next" Katherine hisses in Caroline's ear.

She nods. Of course Katherine arranged for them to keep watch together. Of course. As if all of this wasn't hard enough.

"Do you feel it?" Katherine asks.

They're a hundred and fifty feet from the tomb.

"Yeah."

She feels it alright. Her whole body is tingling, her head is light and if she closes her eyes, she sees small balls of red light.

"They talk about you a lot" Katherine says.

"Me?"

"No, all of you. You, dear Stefan, darling Damon and that Elena. The unlucky girl that the evil Katherine turned, the beautiful Salvatore brothers and their human. The girl that both brothers love."

Caroline closes her eyes again. She can't even stand hearing about them. They might all be dead. Dead.

"And the Bennet witch. The three vampires, the doppelganger and the witch. It sounds like fairy tale, don't you think?"

Katherine smiles. Caroline looks away.

"Oh, Caroline. Don't be mad. I made you vampire, you should be grateful."

Caroline snorts.

"Thank you for making me a monster."

"Brad told me that you left, that you live in New York now."

Brad has a big mouth. Katherine doesn't need to know all this.

"Yes."

"Why? Did you fight?"

Caroline stands up. She can't stand this anymore.

"We have to quiet" she says.

Katherine pouts.

"Well, where's the fun in that?"

But she shuts up.

...

They sit in silence for almost three hours before something happens. Katherine hears it first and quickly shakes Caroline. Someone's talking. A woman and a man.

"She's still showing resistance."

"They must have found a way to compel her."

Caroline tries to stretch her neck. She can see an elderly woman and a young man. Maybe grandmother and grandson.

"If we kill them, will the compulsion disappear?" the son asks.

No. No. Please no.

"Maybe" the old woman replies.

"They will die eventually" the boy says.

"Yes, but death isn't enough. We have to teach them a lesson first."

"And the girl?"

"Her death will be a punishment to the boys."

The young boy nods. They part and the boy enters the tomb again.

"That was good news" Katherine says.

"How can that be good news?"

"Well, we know that they're alive."

"And that they will die."

"Well, we just have to save them. Won't we?"


	12. Chapter 12

Caroline lies in her bed in the Salvatore House. The others are still outside, they aren't allowed in. Well, maybe Katherine is, but she didn't come in anyway. Caroline is all alone. She clutches her chest and tries to breathe slowly. They're all in danger, all of them. They all might die, her family. How could she leave them? Didn't she understand what leaving them would mean? She tries to breathe slowly. She wishes she was there with them, in the tomb. If they were to die, she would want to die with them. If she can't save them, what's the point of living?

She eventually falls asleep. She dreams of snares and shattered glass and wind in her hair. When she wakes up, she still feels tired. She goes downstairs to get a blood bag and finds Katherine in the cellar. The door isn't shut, she isn't locked in. She just sits there.

"Awake, Blondie?" she asks.

Caroline nods.

"Toss me bag then."

Caroline obeys. Katherine catches the bag and drinks.

"What are you doing here?" Caroline asks.

"Sleeping."

"There are beds upstairs."

Katherine shrugs and Caroline doesn't really care why Katherine is weird.

"Why did you leave here, Caroline?" she asks.

"None of your business."

"The witches know that you left. Joseph heard them talking this morning. They tried to keep you away from here and find you later."

Caroline feels her body turn to ice. They know about her? They know about her living in New York?

"Well, they failed. Here you are and they'll find out soon. They set a human on your trail, in New York apparently. He must be traveling here to tell them that you escaped."

Katherine finishes the bag of blood and licks her lips. Caroline can't move. Ken. He was a spy. That was why he was so nice to her. That was why he didn't want her leave his apartment.

"I guess we'll have to find him and kill him" Katherine yawns.

"I guess" Caroline echoes.

"It's impossible to penetrate their wall of power" Brad says. "We can't get in."

"Nothing's impossible" Katherine purrs and touches his cheek.

Caroline meets the gaze of the blonde boy, Henry. He rolls his eyes, she smiles. Katherine just can't help it.

"We have counted to fourteen witches" the boy called Joseph says.

"And we're fifteen. How perfect" Katherine says.

"The first problem we have to face is breaking in" Joseph continues.

"It's impossible" Brad repeats.

Caroline buries her head in her hands.

"But" Joseph says. "It might be easier to break out."

"If it was, they wouldn't be stuck in there."

"They probably have more spells upon them, spell that torture them or bind them to the tomb. But I think this wall, as you say, is similar to the spell that keeps uninvited vampires out."

Caroline looks up, her attention focused on Joseph.

"They have human who made the tomb its home?" she asks.

Joseph nods. Caroline closes her eyes again. There's hope, she whispers to herself. There's hope.

"We have to get in, kill this person and then get out?" Brad says.

His tone is mocking again. Apparently Caroline isn't the only one he thinks is crazy.

"Yes" Joseph says.

"But that doesn't solve how we're getting in."

They all fall silent. Caroline plays with the laces of her shoes. There's hope. There's hope.

"The only way in is getting captured" Katherine says, her voice smooth and silky.

"Yes, but if we get captured, we'll be put under the spell that's holding the brothers in."

No one objects. They know that is true. Maybe there is no hope.

"We have to find the human that's informing them that Caroline is here" Katherine says.

They all nod and get up.

Caroline doesn't want to kill Ken so she doesn't hunt for him. She doesn't love him, but he helped her and no, she won't kill him. She's not murderer. Instead she paces along the invisible wall the surrounds the tomb. No one's out, they don't need to be with the force field here. Caroline feels the power in her body. It's tearing at her, it doesn't hurt but it makes her see blurry. She sits down behind a tree and breathes. She tries to listen for sounds, but all she can hear is her heart in her ears. There's no hope. There's no hope.

"It's Caroline, right?"

She jumps. Joseph walks towards her. She closes her eyes for second to steady her pulse.

"Yeah."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay. My reflexes are dull out here. All that power is blocking them."

"Katherine told me that you are affected by it."

"Yeah."

He sits down next to her. He is young, but older than she is. She wonders what reason Katherine had for turning him.

"My father married a witch when I was a child" he says. "She told me about them, what they could do. She never expected me to become a vampire of course."

Well, there it was. The reason that Katherine had turned Joseph, he knew about witch power.

"It must have been a letdown" she whispers.

He smiles.

"Yes. But Caroline, I have studied witches for nearly 50 years and I have never heard of anything like this, like you.

"You haven't?"

"No."

"I'm a freak" she smiles.

"Do you have any witch blood in your family?"

She shakes her head.

"No, I doubt that."

Suddenly she feels something; it's pulling at her heart and head. She has to clamp her hands over her mouth not scream. ¨

"What is it?" Joseph asks.

"Something's happening" she whispers.

She feels her face change and her fangs appear. She can't control herself. And then they hear it. A piercing scream. It's dull in Caroline's ears, but Joseph seems to hear it much higher. He gets up.

"_Elena_" she whispers.

"She seems to be alive" Brad says. "I still can't get inside the house."

Caroline nods. Her eyes are wet. There are eleven men around her, not knowing how to react to her tears. And Katherine, but she was never famous for being the consoling type.

"They were torturing her."

"Probably for information. They don't understand that Bonnie isn't compelled" Joseph says in his southern accent.

She nods. There's still hope.

"And here's Henry and Kyle with our favorite spy" Katherine says.

Caroline turns. The bulky vampires are dragging Ken with him. He looks completely helpless, but Caroline doesn't feel sorry. She doesn't have feelings enough for him.

"Let's kill him" Kyle says.

"No" Joseph interrupts. "He might have information."

Katherine smiles.

"Oh, my clever dear" she whispers, her fingers tracing Joseph's lips. "You're right."

"He's pumped with vervain."

"Then we'll wait until it's gone" Katherine says, still touching Joseph's face.

"That can take days" Caroline tries. "They can all be dead by then?"

Katherine sighs and stops caressing Joseph. She turns to Caroline.

"Do you have another plan, sweetie?" she asks, her tone sweet and sticky.

"No" Caroline admits.

"Then we'll go with mine. We'll lock him in that excellent basement cellar of yours until the vervain is gone. Then he'll tell us what's going on."

…

"Caroline" Ken hisses.

She ignores him. She and Katherine are the only ones that can guard him since the others can't get inside the house. And Katherine is gone scheming up a plan.

"Caroline" he repeats.

She looks away, closes her eyes.

"I'm sorry" he croaks. "I never meant to hurt you."

She snorts.

"You were just keeping me in New York until the witches could come and finish me off."

He shakes her head. She suddenly feels anger. Against the witches and Ken and Katherine. She wants to bite and tear. She wants to drain Ken of blood; she wants to see the life escape his eyes.

"Caroline" he begs again.

She gets up and opens the door the cellar. He smiles.

"Thank you" he says.

She ignores him, goes inside and pushes him to the wall. The smell of his blood is almost overpowering.

"Help" he croaks.

He sees her fangs and she sees the fear in his eyes. She's just about to bite when Stefan's words appear in her mind.

_When you feel the blood rushing, you tell yourself that you're going to get through it, that you're strong enough. No matter how good it feels to give yourself over to it, you fight it off, you bury it. _

"I'm not a murderer" she whispers.

"That's the spirit, sweetie" a voice behind her says.

It's Katherine. Caroline still pins Ken to the wall.

"I would want to kill him too. He betrayed you. He helped put Stefan and Elena and Damon in danger."

Caroline feels the rush of anger again. She wants him dead. She leans in against his throat, she can hear his heart beating quickly.

_No matter how good it feels to give yourself over to it, you fight it off, you bury it. It's the only way to survive this thing._

She throws Ken onto the floor and leaves the house. Outside, she falls apart and cries until she can't breathe.

"I always pictured you as the Damon type" Katherine says.

Caroline looks up from the ground. She exhausted. She wants to sleep until everything is fine again.

"Leave me alone" she whispers.

Katherine tilts her head and gets down on her knees. She wipes Caroline's face with a handkerchief. Only girls from the 1420's carry handkerchiefs.

"I always pictured you pining for Damon, but that's not it, is it?" Katherine continues.

"No."

"It's Stefan, isn't it?"

Caroline doesn't answer. She feels a knot of tears in her throat.

"So, you, me and Elena. We're all competing for Stefan…"

"There's no competition" Caroline whispers. "He loves her, he will always pick her."

Katherine smirks.

"That's why you left."

"Yes."

Katherine pats Caroline's head with an almost motherly touch.

"I wish I hadn't left" Caroline whispers. "I wish I had stayed so that I would be in the tomb too."

Katherine raises her eyebrows.

"So that you would _die_?"

"What's the point living without them? Without him?"


	13. Chapter 13

Everything is dark around Stefan. He can't see anything, he can't hear anything. Everything is black. It has been for nearly five days now. He knows that Damon's is on his left side, but he hasn't seen him and whenever they try to speak, pain curses through their bodies. Stefan knows that Elena is somewhere inside the tomb too. He hears her screaming at times, they're torturing her. And him. The witches have made sure that the brothers hear nothing, nothing but Elena's screams. It's worse than the pain, it's worse than everything. _At least Caroline's alright_, he thinks. As he has about a million times these past days. _Thank god that Caroline left. Thank god that Caroline's safe. _It's the only thing that keeps him sane down here, knowing that Caroline will live. Because it's clear that he won't. And that Damon won't. And that Elena might not either. They'll all die in this place, at the hands of revengeful witches. But Caroline will be safe, Caroline will live on.

…

"It's easy" Katherine smirks.

Caroline doesn't think it's _that _easy, but she doesn't object.

"It's easy" Katherine continues. "All we have to do is compel him to take one of us down into the tomb, as his prisoner. Then we attack, the person in the tomb kills the human and the rest of us go in."

"Katherine" Joseph says carefully. "The human might be protected."

"Then we kill the head witch, the old lady."

"Just like that?" Brad asks sarcastically.

"We'll surprise them."

Joseph shakes his head.

"No, it's too risky. The person going into the tomb won't get out."

"I'll do it" Caroline says.

They all turn and look at her. Joseph looks pained, Brad concerned, but Katherine is smiling.

"Yes" she says. "Barbie will do it. It's more believable. She escaped, but he found her."

"No" Joseph says. "No."

"She's just a child, Katherine" one of the others says.

"Don't underestimate her" Katherine snaps.

Caroline never thought she'd have Katherine backing her up.

"She'll die" Brad says.

He doesn't seem to upset about it; he's just stating the facts.

"I'll do it" Caroline repeats.

"It's a suicide mission" Henry exclaims.

She doesn't care.

"It's our only hope" Katherine says.

And they can't argue with that.

...

"I compelled him" Katherine says.

She sits down next to Caroline on the bed.

"Good" she yawns.

"We'll be set whenever you're ready."

Caroline nods. She'll be ready soon. Very soon. She just has to wash her face.

"You know, Blondie" Katherine begins. "I don't regret turning you, but I'm sorry that I did."

Caroline meets her eyes. Katherine's gaze is so like Elena's. Not only because they're identical, but they have the same steely determination.

"If I was a human I wouldn't be able to try to save them" she says.

Katherine smiles.

"I guess."

Caroline stretches her limbs. It's three AM. They're trying to use the element of surprise.

"You used to remind me of me" Katherine says.

"Ouch."

"Don't be like that. I wasn't always like this you know. Once upon a time I just a normal girl. I liked boys and dressing up and getting their attention."

"I grew out of that" Caroline sighs.

"I've realized that" Katherine says. "The new you suits you."

"Thanks?"

Since when did Katherine hand out complements?

"Well, come outside when you're ready" she says and gets up.

Caroline nods. Katherine walks towards the door.

"Katherine?" Caroline asks.

She turns.

"Yes?"

"Why did you turn all those boys?"

Katherine furrows her brow.

"What boys?"

"Those outside. Joseph and Henry and…"  
>"I didn't turn them."<p>

"You didn't?"

"No. When Brad called me and told me that Stefan and Damon were in trouble, I recruited."

"How?"

"It was easy. I've been along a long time, I have connections."

"And they all wanted to come?"

"Stefan is very popular guy."

Caroline couldn't help smiling.

"And Damon?"

"Well, Damon… He has enemies, but his enemies have enemies too and they support him."

"So they all volunteered?"

"Yes. The Salvatore Brothers are something special apparently."

"Apparently" Caroline breaths.

…

She dresses in the pair of jeans that she left in the closet in her room. They are a bit too tight (that's why she didn't bring them to New York) but it doesn't really matter. Her shirt is dirty and sweaty, but that doesn't bother her either. Her job, for once, isn't to look pretty.

"Caroline?"

She turns. It's Joseph. His eyes are still pained.

"Hi" she says.

He stands in the doorway, she's inside the house. He can't touch her, he can't make her change her mind.

"Caroline" he begins. "I knew Stefan."

Even though she shouldn't, she wants to know more. She wants to know everything about Stefan.

"You did?" she asks, softly.

She exits the house and stands beside him in the night. It's chilly out.

"Yes" Joseph says. "We met in Georgia in the 1960's. He helped me with my transformation. He even tried to make me eat rodents, but it didn't last."

Caroline smiles.

"He tried that with me too."

"He's a man with honor, Stefan. He is not a monster, he is a gentleman."

Caroline nods, but she can't look Joseph in the eye. She feels her throat grow thick, her eyes sting. He might already be dead. Stefan.

"I didn't know him for that long, only about a year. After that I moved away and I didn't hear of him again. But when Katherine told me about him being in trouble, I wanted to help."

"He has that effect on people" she whispers.

"Caroline, I didn't know Stefan for that long, but I know that he wouldn't want to you to risk his life for him."

She swallows and meets Joseph's gaze. Does he know that she loves Stefan? How does he know?

"It's not just Stefan in the tomb" she says.

"Would Damon or Elena or Bonnie want you to die for them?"

"They would die for me" she whispers. "They're my family."

Joseph bites his lips. He sighs.

"Stefan will never forgive himself if you die and he lives" he says and Caroline knows it's true.

"I will never forgive myself if I never try to save him" she replies and that is true too.

"I wish you wouldn't."

"I know."

...

_Get inside the tomb, kill the human, wait for backup, kill witches, get the others out. _That's the plan. It's not a very complicated one. At least not on paper. At least not when you're not the one trying to execute it.

"Ready?" Katherine asks.

Caroline nods.

"Ready."

…

"Mary-Ann" Ken shouts.

The young witch turns and peers through the darkness. Caroline doesn't recognize her. Is she new?

"Ken?" Mary-Ann shouts back. "Is that you?"

"Yes! I brought the last one, the blonde vampire" he shouts.

Mary-Ann comes closer. She's not older than Bonnie. Caroline stares at the ground.

"Good work" she says. "Let me get Nadia."

"Can't you just let us in?" Ken asks. "I've traveled for days."

Mary-Ann looks uncertain.

"Have you filled _it_ with vervain?" she asks.

It. Caroline is an it.

"Yes" Ken says.

"Fine. Let me get Bailey then."

She disappears down into the tomb. Caroline acts like she's weak, like she's full of vervain. Actaully, she is weak. Weak with fear.

"Ken!" a girlish voice screams.

A young girl, maybe thirteen or fourteen runs out of tomb. She's the female version of Ken. This must be his sister.

"Can we leave now?" the girl asks. "Ken, can we leave now that you brought _that_?"

It suddenly dawns on Caroline that Ken isn't doing this out of free will. He is doing this for his sister. She's trapped with the witches. He tried to get her out. That's why he worked with them.

"Not yet, sweetie" Mary-Ann says calmly. "Invite the vampire in."

Bailey sighs.

"Come in" she says in a flat tone.

Ken drags Caroline inside. The witch power is so strong that Caroline falls the ground. She can't open her eyes.

"What's wrong with her?" Bailey asks.

"Too much vervain" Ken says.

Caroline realizes that she won't be able to kill Bailey now. She's too weak, the power is too strong. She faints.

…

"She failed" Brad says.

No one says anything. It's dead quiet. Katherine paces. Joseph stares into the night.

"She failed" Brad repeats.

"Shut up" Katherine snaps.

…

Stefan wakes up not knowing why. It's quiet as usual, the witches are blocking all sounds from the outside, but he can feel that something has changed. And then he hears it.

"Crap" she whispers.

Her voice is barely audible, but he recognizes it.

"Care?" he asks.

Pain shoots through his veins. He swallows a scream. Every time they speak, it hurts.

"Yeah" she replies.

"Are you okay?" Damon asks.

"Yes. Are you?"

"Yes" Stefan answers.

The pain is back.

"Why are you here?" Damon asks and then lets out a grunt revealing that he is also in pain.

"Trying to help" she replies.

She doesn't sound hurt. She sounds fine.

"Where are you?" Stefan asks.

Ouch. Crap. He has to close his eyes to get through it.

"Here" she replies. "There's a wall on my left."

He hears her feet on the floor. Tap, tap, tap. They can't touch. They have already tried that, there is an invisible wall between their cells.

"This wasn't the plan" she says.

She's closer now. Her voice is louder. How is that possible? And then, he can smell her. Sweat and dirt and the wonderful smell that is Caroline. And then, he feels her hands on him.

"Caroline?" he asks.

"Yeah" she says.

"But we can't into each other's cells" he says.

"Oh" she says.

"Are you okay?" he asks again, just to make sure.

"Yes. There's just a lot of power here. It makes me dizzy."

"Power?"

"Witch power. It has this crazy effect on me."  
>"Shut up" Damon hisses from his cell. "Save you energy, the pain drains us."<p>

It's only then that Stefan realizes that he doesn't hurt anymore.

…

They're all huddled together. Caroline touching Damon's knee and holding Stefan's hand. They can't get to Elena; they don't know where she is.

"You're freak" Damon whispers. "How come you're not affected by their power?"

She frowns at him.

"I am affected. It messes with my brain, makes my head to fuzzy."

"Yes, but you can break through spells."

She shrugs.

"And when we touch you, we're breaking the spell too" he continues.

"Damon, I don't know."

But she isn't annoyed. She's happy. She's with her two favorites. She's holding Stefan's hand. She can die now, it wouldn't matter.

"Can they hear us?" she asks.

"Probably not, or they would have come to see why we aren't dying with pain."

"We have to get out" she says.

"You don't say" Damon snorts. "Great idea, Barbie."

"You and Katherine have to come up with new nicknames" she sighs.

...

"We're going to die" Damon yawns.

"You shouldn't have come" Stefan says to her.

"I had to try and save you."

"No, you didn't. You needed to run away and be safe."

He's frustrated, she can tell. She squeezes his hand, he pulls it away.

"You can't die, Caroline" he says.

The pain of talking comes back if they aren't touching her. She grabs his hand again, he tries to fight himself loose but she's stronger. It has been days since he fed.

"Neither of us is dying" she says, trying to sound confident.

She can't see anything, the tomb is pitch black, but she can picture their faces. Damon, fake-bored and smirking and Stefan, frowning and biting his lip. She loves them so much.

"I missed you" she whispers.

"Don't get sappy" Damon replies.

She giggles, finds his head and kisses his cheek. She grabs his hand too. She wonders if she is one of the few people who have ever held Damon's hand.

...

"Hey" she whispers. "I know it's hard."

Stefan sighs next to her. She holds his hand tight between both of hers. Damon is sleeping, so he doesn't need her.

"You don't understand" he replies, his voice frail.

"I know that they have been torturing her. I've heard it, I've felt it."

She carefully strokes his cheek. His jaw is set.

"The only thing keeping me sane was that you were safe" he whispers.

"But I'm here now. I'm here."

"You will die, Caroline."  
>"I don't care."<p>

"I care."

His voice is so full of sorrow and pain that Caroline wonders if her touch isn't helping.

"I'm sorry I left" she says.

"I'm sorry I left you with no choice but to leave."


	14. Chapter 14

Caroline should be scared, but she isn't. Maybe it's all that witch power, messing with head. Maybe it's Stefan. She can't see him, but she can hear him and it's her job to always touch him. To hold his hand and to stroke his cheek. She isn't being a bad friend to Elena. She's just keeping him save for her. Of course.

"I didn't know dying was so damn boring" Damon huffs.

How long has she been here now? A day? Two? Three?

"I'm here, nothing can be boring with me here" Caroline teases him.

"You know, this witch spell that makes us hurt whenever we speak, you're mother should have asked for it when you were little. Maybe you wouldn't talk so much if you had been taught that words hurt."

She slaps his face, he laughs. Stefan is quiet. He doesn't talk much. Damon is trying to face death with humor, Caroline does it with the comfort that she has her boys with her. But Stefan can't seem to face it, not like this.

"Come on, Stef" Damon yawns. "We're already dead."

"Elena isn't."

Caroline swallows. That hurts in two ways. Partly because Elena will die because of them. But also because he loves so much that his dead is unimportant next to hers.

"We'll get her out" Caroline says. "I promise."

She touches his face. It's hard under her fingers, like he's stone or marble.

"How?"

She gets up, feeling her way along the stone walls until she reaches the magical one, the wall that the witches made to keep them in. She puts her hand against it, it doesn't budge.

"What are you doing?" Damon asks.

"Shut up."

She licks her lips in concentration and closes her eyes. Everything is bright and fuzzy in her brain. She can hear small snippets of conversation, but it's hard to make out anything. Caroline puts her hand against the wall again; it's like steel under her palm. She pushes, but it doesn't move an inch. Maybe her special powers only gets her this far. But she tries again, this time she leans her whole body against it. She can hear the blood pumping in her head, her own breath loud in her ears. She feels sick, but keeps trying. She pushes and drags and leans, but the wall doesn't budge. And then, she faints, again.

...

"Care?"

"Yes."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

Her head hurts so bad it might have been split open. She can't open her eyes so she just searches in the dark until she finds two hands.

"What did you try to do?" Damon asks.

"Get out" she whispers.

Her voice is raspy.

"Did it work?"

"No."

"Crap."

"Maybe if I try again" she says, trying to get up.

Stefan pushes her down.

"Don't waste your strength" he says.

"It might get us out."

"Or it might kill you" he replies.

"We'll going to die anyway" Damon shrugs.

...

"Maybe it's just like math" she whispers.

"Like math?" Damon asks.

"You just have to focus."

They're back at the wall. Stefan finally fell asleep. Caroline has been trying for at least an hour. Her head is hurting again.

"Were you ever good at math?"

"Nope."

She tries again. Every time she gets close, she faints. It's a good thing that Stefan's asleep. He wouldn't let her do this. Damon is more of the cool big brother that really wants to get out of the tomb.

"So, how was life without me?" she asks.

"Miserable."

"I bet."

"And quiet."

"Must have been nice."

"No" he sighed. "It was too quiet."

She smiles and tries again. She pushes further and further. She can hear the voices again and this time, she can make them out. A man is talking to a woman about something. It isn't important at the moment so she ignores it. She pushes and tries to focus again. Her head becomes heavy again, heavy and hot and dizzy. And just when she feels like she's going to faint, she feels his arms around her.

...

"If she died, would you just have said 'thank you' and left?" Stefan yells at Damon.

He's mad. No, that's an understatement. He's livid.

"She wasn't dying" Damon scuffs.

"This is witch power, Damon. It isn't a joke."

"Believe me, I'm not laughing."

Caroline sighs.

"Look, I want to get out. I can get out" she says.

"No, you'll open that wall and you will die" he shouts.

"So what?" she yells back at him. "Then you will get out. You can kill the human and get Elena and run."

"And what about you?" Stefan asks, his voice louder than hers.

"Look at the bigger picture!"

"There is no bigger picture, Care" he says. "There's only you, dying."

He clasps her cheeks between his hands.

"You'd die for me" she whispers.

He leans closer. She can almost feel his lips moving as he speaks.

"Yes."

"And I'll die for you" she replies.

"No."

"Yes."

"Care…"

His voice is calm now, quiet. He leans his forehead against hers.

"I won't die" she whispers.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

She embraces him. He's so stiff and worried and hurt. She wants to heal him.

"Al righty, then" Damon says. "Let's get cracking."

...

"You have to focus" Stefan whispers.

He has his hands around her waist, prepared to catch her if she faints.

"I was never good at that" she breathes.

And she can focus even less when she can smell and feel Stefan. All she can think of is him. All she can hear is his breathes in the darkness. But for some reason, it doesn't matter. As a matter of fact, it helps. The wall isn't steel under her hands anymore, it's soft and bendy. She pushes and it gives way under her fingertips. She can hear voices from the other side, she can see light, she can smell blood. Her fingers curl around the edge that appears, a crack in the stone. She pushes and pulls and drags. The bendy wall turns into air.

"It's working" she hears Damon say.

"Go on" Stefan whispers.

His lips touch her ear. It gives her enough power to push the last bit. They're out. They're free. She feels Damon go past her, going for Bailey, to kill her. Caroline lets go of the wall and it's then that she realizes how much it cost to open it. Even though the tomb is light, she can't see. Even though there is screaming, she can't hear anything. And then, she falls onto the ground. And for some reason, it really, really, hurts. Falling doesn't usually hurt at all, but this time it makes her go dizzy with pain. Her head is pounding in her ears. She hopes that Katherine got in. She wants to open her eyes to check, but they won't open. She hopes that they'll find Elena and run. Caroline is going to die, she realizes it now. But it doesn't really matter. If the others are fine, so is she.

..

Caroline Forbes used to selfish and immature. But here she is, on the floor of a tomb. Dying for her friends. For her family. For the ones she loves. Isn't that unselfish? Isn't that mature? Even though vampires never grow old, Caroline Forbes grew up.


	15. Chapter 15

It's a beautiful summer day. Warm and sunny and humid. One of those days that is not too hot and not too cold. One of those days when the air is light and kind, not hard and unfriendly. It's one of those days, but no one's smiling. No one's facing the sun and closing their eyes. This just isn't the day for that. This is a day of sadness. This is day of black dresses and suits. A day of roses and headstones and prayers. As if they haven't enough of them already.

...

"Please get up" Elena whispers in his ear.

Stefan stares at the ceiling. He doesn't want to get up.

"What's the point?" he asks. "We might be going back there tomorrow."

She strokes his hair, kisses his cheek.

"People have to stop dying around us" she whispers.

"Yes" he agrees.

Her eyes are understanding. He loves her so much. He does, but maybe he doesn't love her enough.

"I know you loved her" she whispers.

"Yeah" he exhales, because there is point denying it anymore.

"She was a big part of your life."

He nods.

"So, please come with me and say goodbye" Elena begs.

"I just can't" he says.

She extends her hand.

"Nothing will happen while we're gone."

He exhales, closes his eyes and opens them again.

"Fine" he says.

...

There are a lot of people at the funeral. Almost a hundred people, all young and all beautiful. Some cries, some looks at their shoes. Elena holds one Salvatore brother in each hand as the stand in front of the grave. A priest talks about ashes to ashes and he couldn't be more accutate. Stefan doesn't listen. He stares at the headstone. Yes, he loved her. Like a little sister that never stopped bothering him. And he will miss her, because no one was ever like her.

"How could she die on us?" Damon asks.

His voice is hoarse.

"I thought she'd outlive us all" Stefan says.

He drops a red rose on her grave and feels emotions fight in his body. He hates death, _hates _it.

"I guess that's it" Damon says.

"I guess."

"145 years" Damon breathes.

Stefan turns again to look at the headstone. It's white and marble. It reads "_Katerina Petrova_". No dates, nothing else. Just her name. Her body isn't underneath the earth of course; she turned into ashes when the witch staked her. Katherine.

"She had a long life" Elena says.

She doesn't get it. Katherine would have wanted to live 600 years more. No one was a good at being a vampire as Katherine.

"Let's go home" Stefan says.

There is nothing they can do for Katherine anymore, but they might be able to save Caroline.

…

"She's not dead" Bonnie says.

As she has at least twice an hour for the last three days.

"When vampires die, they evaporate and disappear. She's still here."

Stefan nods, just to comfort her. Maybe Caroline isn't dead, but she isn't alive either. She's motionless, pale and stiff. She doesn't breathe. She just lies on her bed, silent and cold.

"There's still hope" Elena whispers.

"Sure" Damon says dryly.

Stefan wants to hit him. Caroline is dead because of him. Dead. All Damon ever cared about was saving Elena. And himself. The anger that is boiling inside of Stefan is hot and fierce and almost hurts.

"She shouldn't have come back" he snaps at the world.

He feels Elena's hand on his back, but he shakes it off and leaves the room. He wants to destroy everything. He wants to destroy the world. He doesn't want any of this anymore.

...

Elena finds him in the woods. She always knows where he is. Is that love?

"Are you okay?" she asks.

"No" he replies. "Are you?"

"She's my best friend."

"I know."

"Don't blame Damon" she whispers, taking his hand. "He uses sarcasm a defense mechanism."

"He's my brother, Elena. I know that."

He doesn't want to be mean, but he's just so tired.

"Just cut him some slack. He feels terrible."

"Why aren't you comforting him then?" he asks.

His voice isn't hard anymore. It's soft and honest. And he really wants to know.

"Because you are my boyfriend" she replies.

"That's the reason?"

She shrugs. He's too tired for this conversation, but it's happening anyway.

"I love you" she says and he doesn't doubt her.

"But you love him more" he finishes for her.

She shakes her head.

"No" she says. "I love you both."

"But it's not the same anymore, is it?" he asks, because he feels it too.

He loves her so much it consumes him. He will love her forever. But it isn't enough. His love isn't enough. Damon will love her better.

"And you love Caroline" Elena whispers.

Stefan swallows.

"Caroline is dead."


	16. Chapter 16 the end

Everything is light and bright and hot. She can't breathe. She's being chased by something and she keeps running but that _something _is coming closer. She can hear it panting behind her, almost on her heals. She doesn't know what it is, but she knows that she has to run or she will get hurt. Badly hurt. Very badly hurt. She turns her head a fraction, but sees nothing behind her. She stops under an oak. Nothing is after her. The panting is gone. She is alone. And then she feels even more afraid. She is alone. All alone. In this world that is bright and hot and lonely. She'll be here, wherever this is, for eternity.

…

"Hey" someone whispers in her ear. "Can you hear me?"

She turns around in the bright meadow, she's alone. But the surroundings are fading. She is fading. She can't see anymore.

"It was just a dream" someone whispers, but it isn't true.

It isn't a dream, it's real. Someone is holding her tight and she can't breathe and she's sweaty all over. It's not bright anymore, it's dark. She can't see anything and all she can hear is that voice in her ear.

"Caroline, stop fighting" the voice growls.

But she doesn't. She screams and fights, trying to escape. The person holding her is strong, but not strong enough. He's losing his grip. She's almost free. She extends her fangs, ready to bite, to kill.

"Care, wake up" another voice says.

It's Stefan. Her body relaxes for second, enough for the first person to get a good grip around her again, but then she fights again. This is a trap. It's the witches. They're punishing her. They're torturing her.

"What's wrong with her?" the first voice asks.

It's male and familiar, but it doesn't matter. It's just a trap.

"She's running a fever" a third voice says.

This one is female.

"Can vampires even get sick?" someone else asks.

Caroline stops listening. Instead she focuses on getting free. She kicks and tries to bite, but the arms holding her are solid as rock. And she's getting tired. And weak. And the blackness is turning red. And then all of this is gone.

…

"She alive" Stefan whispers.

He holds Caroline close as she sleeps. She is hot and sweaty and ill, but she is alive.

"It tore her body apart breaking through that wall" Bonnie says. "It's no wonder she's like this."

"She tried to fight me off" Damon scuffs.

"She's delusional."

Stefan tries to breathe slowly. She's alive. She's alive. And she _will _live. He will not let her die. He will not fail again.

"I guess Tylenol won't help" Damon asks, flexing his tired arms.

"Probably not" Bonnie agrees. "I think we have to give her time."

"It's been a week" Stefan protests.

"This isn't the flu, Stefan" Bonnie sighs.

He knows that, he isn't stupid. But he wants her wake up. Now. He wants her to smile and laugh and be alive again. That's why he's not thinking rationally.

"Isn't there some witchy spell you can try?" Damon asks.

"No" Stefan says. "No more magic."

"There is one spell, it's used to cure illnesses. We can try it" Bonnie offers.

"No."

"Come on, Stef" Damon tries. "She can't get any worse."

Stefan looks at his brother, who is holding Elena's hand tight. Hasn't he been paying attention?

"She can get worse, Damon. She can die."

"She might die of the fever" Damon says, shrugging.

Stefan wants to hit him, to cause him damage. But this isn't Damon's fault. It's his.

"We'll wait a few days" Elena says. "And then we'll rethink the spell."

And as usual, everyone agrees with her.

…

"I think it will work" Bonne says. "The spell."

She enters Caroline's room carefully. Stefan has been sitting with her for almost 12 hours. He must be starving.

"You told me several times that witches aren't supposed to help vampires" he replies.

The room is dark, but she can see that he is exhausted. His posture is different; he's slumped against the pillows.

"She saved us all, Stefan. We have to try."

"You don't understand." Stefan says, his voice cracking. "I'm trying to keep her alive."

"You're not the only one who loves her" Bonnie whispers.

"I know."

She walks closer to the bed. Caroline is dead to the world. She hasn't stirred for hours.

"I can't stand it if she dies" Stefan whispers. "I just can't."

And it's only then that Bonnie understands. He _loves _her. Loves. That's why he was apathetic when she was gone. That's why her safety was the only thing that mattered in the tomb. That's why he has been holding her for twelve hours. He loves her. _Loves. _

"Trust me" Bonnie whispers. "I know the feeling. I brought Jeremy back to life, didn't I? There were risks, but I did it. Because I couldn't survive if he died."

Stefan nods.

"I know" he repeats.

"Let me try" she begs. "Just once."

He swallows.

"Okay."

…

Caroline is cold now. She's alone in that bright place and freezing. Her teeth are shattering against each other. She still doesn't know where she is. She still doesn't know anything. And then she feels it. The feeling of witch power. She screams out in panic. They are coming for her. They are coming for her at last. The power grows stronger and this time it's worse than ever. The spell is inflicted on her. Her head goes blank in the matter of seconds, her body limp. She lies on that hard grass, freezing, not being able to even think. And this must be then end, it must.

…

"Stop" Stefan shouts.

But Bonnie doesn't stop. She keeps muttering words under her breath, even though Caroline is screaming with agony.

"Bonnie!" Elena tries to stop her too, but it's too late.

They can't control her, they can't get to her. She will perform the spell, even it kills Caroline.

"She's in pain" Elena whispers.

Stefan is trying to stop Caroline from hurting herself. She's clawing and biting and kicking. She's crying and screaming and still has a high fever.

"Care" he whispers. "Calm down."

But it doesn't help. The more Bonnie whispers under breath, the worse it gets. Damon helps him; they both fight to keep her down on the bed. Elena stands in corner, red-eyed and scared.

"It's killing her" Damon says.

And Stefan thinks that he is right. This spell isn't supposed to work on vampires. It's making her sicker.

"Bonnie!"

Elena tries shaking her, but she's in a trance. Nothing works. And then Caroline stops screaming. She falls into Stefan's arms and is perfectly still. Her skin isn't burning anymore, it's ice cold. Stefan tries to open her eyes, to see if the pupils are moving, but the eyelids are clamped shut.

"She's dead" Damon whispers.

Stefan closes his eyes. No. This wasn't supposed to happen. No. Not again. He's not losing her.

_"I don't like magic."_

He opens his eyes and meets hers. Her blue, wonderful eyes.

"Stop using magic on me" she grunts.

Stefan can't answer, he get any sound out at all. He feels tears burn in his throat.

"I've stopped, honey" Bonnie says, bending down and kissing Caroline's forehead.

"How do feel?" Elena asks.

"Clammy."

"I bet" Damon smiles.

He mimics Bonnie and kisses Caroline's forehead. Stefan still can't speak.

"Hey, is he okay?" Caroline asks, pointing to Stefan.

"Yeah" he exhales. "I'm okay."

She looks down at his arms, they are full of scars.

"Did I bite you?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

She smiles and that's when he understands it for real. She is okay. She is going to live.

"I'm hungry" she announces.

…

When she's fed Stefan takes her out a walk. She obliges because it's warm outside and she's been asleep for a week. Stefan's quiet. She becomes quiet too. The trees around them are quiet, there is no wind today.

"You brought a guy to get blood in New York" Stefan suddenly says.

Caroline blushes. She was a fool thinking Ken liked her. It was all a game.

"Yeah, Ken" she replies.

"Who was he?"

"He was nice and charming" she sighs. "Then I found out that he was the witches' spy."

Stefan smiles and puts his arm around her shoulders. His presence doesn't make her nervous anymore, it just makes her feel better, whole.

"I'm sorry for leaving" she whispers.

"I know."

"It was a mistake."

He nods and she nods too without thinking. Her body mimics his behavior.

"I missed you like crazy, Care."

"I missed you too."

He stops and because her body is weirdly connected to him, she stops too.

"And when I thought you were dying, I couldn't stand it" he continues.

"I know. I felt the same when you were in the tomb."

He nods and smiles and she nods and smiles.

"Elena and I broke up" he says.

"No!"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"She chose him."

"I'm sorry."

"And there was something else" he begins.

She tries to find hurt in his eyes, but there is none. Only hope and smiles and some worry. But if he wasn't worrying about something, he wouldn't be Stefan.

"I love you" Stefan exhaled. "I love you, Caroline. I know that I let you go and I will regret it for the rest of my life. But I love you."

She can't breathe. She can't speak. She just looks at him. At his wonderful eyes and cheekbones and chin and lips. Does he love her? Does he really love her?

"You love me?" she asks, her voice weak.

"Yes."

"For real?"

"Do I ever joke?" he smiles.

She laughs.

"No."

And she stands on tiptoe and kisses him. And she can almost feel the longing in the kiss. And the love. He loves her.

"I love you too" she whispers, because even though she felt it for so long, she never said it out loud.

"No joke?"

"No joke."

…

Caroline Forbes isn't a child anymore, I think that we have settled that. She isn't some lovesick kid moping around in a big house. She has grown up. And she is so many things now. She is strong. She is independent. She is brave. But she is also loved and never, _ever _alone. Which is a relief, because what good would eternal life be if you didn't have anyone to share it with?


End file.
